You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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