i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
