it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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