Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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