see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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