dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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