the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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