his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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