I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
