i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
