We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
