well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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