I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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