Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry about my life...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
