you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
