just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
