The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
