Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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