i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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