I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
