they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
