now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize