so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
