You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
