what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
