Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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