I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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