Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
