I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
