I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
