Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
