I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
