the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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