i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
