he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize