Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
