i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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