To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So apparently I’m into choking now
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