Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
