He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
