After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
