Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You pole danced in your parka.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
