So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
