walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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