I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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