Already got asked if we're dating
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
