She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
