I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
