The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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