I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
