I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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