You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
