i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
