You can't special order awesome
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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