Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
