we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
