I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
