My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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