When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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