So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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