ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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