I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
