I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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