Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
