yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
