Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just googled if crying burns calories
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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