there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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