Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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