u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
