I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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