We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
