Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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