Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How's work?
Spinning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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